The Reaction

  THE REACTION

  Suzanne Young

  A short story set in the world of The Program series.

  isbn:9781370269365

  After The Recovery…

  Michael Realm is still a fuck-up. That’s James Murphy’s first thought as he walks up the driveway. Sloane’s car is gone, so she must still be in class. She hasn’t answered her phone.

  James runs his palm over his face, climbing the stairs and going inside. The house is quiet, but James doesn’t welcome it. The file he’s holding is a burden. It doesn’t belong to him.

  With that being said, James is more than a little curious about what’s inside. Michael gave him this file—Sloane’s file—to make amends. Michael Realm had stolen her life from her, or at least played his appalling role in the process. He got close to Sloane and used it to erase the memories she tried to keep. Memories of James.

  But Michael is a different person now. One buried in guilt. One trying to do right. James has forgiven him for his part in ruining his life. Sloane has not. It’s entirely up to her if she chooses to accept this file.

  James drops onto the couch. He doesn’t really need to rehash the past. He can remember everything. Every moment he and Sloane spent together, every I love you. He remembers their friendship with Miller. And most of all, he remembers his friendship with Brady—Sloane’s brother. He doesn’t need a fucking file.

  Keys jingle in the front door, startling him, and James glances in that direction. The door creaks open and closes.

  “Sloane?” he calls.

  “You’re home,” she replies brightly. He hears her drop her backpack in the entryway. James shifts, the file heavy in his hands.

  “Can you come in here?” he asks, keeping his voice steady. “I have something for you.”

  “Seriously?” Sloane says. “I just got home. I’m tired.”

  James sniffs a laugh, leaning back into the cushions. His heart beats quickly, his fingers fumbling with the file as he sets it down on the coffee table.

  Sloane pokes her head into the room, flashing James a smile, murmuring that she’s not that tired. When she sees that James is entirely serious, her expression falters.

  “What’s wrong?” she asks. “What did Realm do?”

  “Other than torture himself?”

  Sloane waits a beat, no longer quick to defend Michael Realm. “But this is related to him, isn’t it?” she asks.

  “He’s trying set things right,” James says. “And it hasn’t been easy for him.”

  “It hasn’t been easy for those of us he helped erase, either,” she replies. James winces. He doesn’t blame Sloane for staying angry with Michael Realm. He did betray her, after all. James should hate him too.

  But he’s forgiven him. That was his choice. He leaves Sloane to hers.

  “He’s doing a recovery tour,” James says. Sloane comes into the room and takes a spot next to him on the couch. Her eyes flick to the file, but she doesn’t ask about it.

  “Michael’s been searching for past patients,” James continues, “and he’s been giving them back their memories—their files. He said it wasn’t his place to keep them. The patients can decide whether or not to read the information.”

  James looks sideways at Sloane. Her jaw has tightened, but she holds his gaze.

  “And that’s what this is?” she asks, nodding toward the file. “My entire life wrapped up in a manila folder? Nice of him to give me the Cliff’s Notes.”

  “Sloane—”

  “Don’t defend him right now,” she says, running her hand into her hair, fingers tangling in her curls. She curses and closes her eyes.

  James’s heart weakens, and he leans his forehead on her shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “I won’t, okay? I won’t say anything else.”

  Absently, Sloane puts her hand on the back of James’s neck, slowly running her fingernails along his skin.

  “How do I know it’s not just more manipulation at this point?” she asks.

  “You don’t,” James says. “But for what it’s worth, I believe him. I believe in him.”

  “That’s because you’re obnoxiously loyal.” She straightens, pushing James off of her. “And surprisingly sweet.”

  “Only to you.”

  She shakes her head. “Not true. But you can cling to that line if you want.”

  “Okay,” he says with a laugh.

  Sloane had assured James that it wasn’t a betrayal for him to be friends with Michael. She even said she hoped it would set Michael down a better path. And it has. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt her sometimes.

  “Did you read it?” Sloane asks, motioning to the folder.

  “No.”

  “Really?” she asks, narrowing her eyes.

  “Really.”

  Her expression softens. “Of course you didn’t.” She leans in to pick up the folder, and James sees that her hands are shaking. She swallows hard before turning to him.

  “Brady’s in here,” she says. “And you.” She pauses. “And me.”

  “You’re the same person,” James says.

  “I’m not.” Sloane’s eyes well up, but she quickly sniffs and opens the cover of the file. “I’m going to read it out loud,” she announces even though James didn’t ask.

  James immediately sees the first picture and his entire world tilts with vivid pain. It’s a picture of Brady, taken a few days before his death. His skin is pale, his lips chapped and his eyes ringed in shadows. It’s shocking and horrible and fucking devastating.

  James leans forward, head in his hands. He didn’t realize how painful it would be to see his friend again. He should have known.

  “I don’t remember him like this,” Sloane whispers, touching the photo.

  James can’t look again. He keeps his head down and hears Sloane shift to another paper. She clears the tears from her throat.

  “‘Sloane Barstow has exhibited signs of erratic, co-dependent behavior after the loss of her brother,’” she reads out loud. “‘She is considered high-risk and in need of immediate intervention.’”

  “Was that true?” Sloane asks.

  “No,” James says automatically. He lifts his head to turn to her. “Partly,” he admits. “We needed help. Instead we got The Program.”

  Sloane watches his eyes, watches for the truth in them. She nods and turns back to the file. She begins reading again. She and James cry through the parts about Brady. Through Miller. They laugh at the stories about her and James—a hard-on in the tent, a heart-shaped ring at the beach, a connection that no one could truly erase.

  “’You can’t erase James from my heart,’” she reads. “‘Because James is my heart.’”

  They’re both quiet for a long moment, and then Sloane shrugs. “Definitely sounds co-dependent,” she murmurs.

  “A little, yeah,” James says. He watches the side of her face, overwhelmed by how much he loves her. How he would do anything to keep her from hurting. But he can’t protect her from the past.

  They get to the final page of her file and Sloane takes out a single paper.

  “It’s from a… Dr. Warren,” she says. “‘Michael Realm has gone off script. He is no longer considered a reliable source on Sloane Barstow. Future assignments should be carefully monitored. Disciplinary action recommended.’”

  Sloane stays quiet for a long moment. She sets the file down and sits back against the couch. James waits for her to talk, not wanting to pressure her into a discussion.

  “Were they going to lobotomize him?” Sloane asks.

  “I don’t know,” James says, watching her.

  “Because they were going to lobotomize me.”

  James’s throat clicks when h
e swallows. “I know. I showed up just as you saved yourself.”

  Sloane turns to him, her eyes searching his face. “There’s a lot of memories in that file,” she says. “About everything, but also about us. There’s a lot about us.”

  “That’s because we’ve been through a lot,” he says.

  “What… what was the story about the hard-on in the tent?” She asks this conversationally, and James tries to hold back his smile.

  “It was something I told you—overshared, really—about the first night I realized I liked you as more than my best friend’s sister.”

  “And I went for that?” she asks, furrowing her brow.

  He laughs. “No. No, I had to write letters and shit. Flirt shamelessly. I made a real ass of myself. You liked that.”

  “I still like that,” she says.

  “But it was always us, Sloane,” he says, reaching over to brush curls behind her ear. “Even when we didn’t know each other, it was still about us.”

  “I remember that part,” she says. She glances at the file again. “I’m glad he gave it to me,” she says. “You can thank him.”

  It’s a bit of a relief, and James smiles. “I will.”

  There’s tightness in James’s skull, a headache that’s been bugging him for the last few hours. He blinks quickly to clear it, but when Sloane asks if he’s okay, he tells her he’s fine. He doesn’t want her to worry.

  Sloane leans in to kiss his temple, her palm on his cheek. Her touch makes him hum out his appreciation. He tells her that he’s missed her over the past few days. He always misses her.

  She kisses his cheek, his jaw. She says she’s missed him too. James closes his eyes, his fingers gliding onto her knee. Her thigh.

  “Are you still tired?” James asks. “Because—”

  Sloane kisses him, pushing him back on the couch. Her hands in his clothes, her mouth over his. They are fire, scalding and suffocating to the room around them. But in the center they burn bright, pure, and hot. Together they are a blaze.

  Together, they are forever.

  And even as his headache gets worse, James blocks it all out, consumed by his love for Sloane instead. Hoping they can just be together now. No more complications.

  The past is settled. The future is wide open.

  The Program is dead.

  THE COMPLICATION will be available on 4/24.

 

 

  Suzanne Young, The Reaction

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